Ghost
by Kiri
Summary: Hotohori frets over Nuriko. ^_^;; Sort of.


ghost

ghost   
Indigo Girls 

_there's a letter on the desktop_   
_that i dug out of a drawer_   
_the last truce we ever came to_   
_in our adolescent war_   
_and i start to feel the fever_   
_from the warm air through the screen_   
_you come regular like seasons_   
_shadowing my dreams_

[His eyes are dark, focusing on something far away, hands folded comfortably in his lap. The man is young, beautiful, almost out of his teenage years. Through the window, the gentle summer air of evening blows the fragrance of a sakura blossom, the flower of death. He presses a hand to his forehead, daydreams sneaking up on him as they did every day now.] 

_and the mississippi's mighty_   
_but it starts in minnesota_   
_at a place that you could walk across_   
_with five steps down_   
_and i guess that's how you started_   
_like a pinprick to my heart_   
_but at this point you rush right through me_   
_and i start to drown_

[He vaguely hears the sounds of laughter floating across the breeze, and a flash of violet catches his inner eye. He remembers the first time they had met, just a young girl bowing before a mighty emperor, grass bending before the west wind. Time passing, duties vanishing like nothing, for sparkling eyes would always be there for him to make him smile. The sounds of a boat, bumping lightly against a dock, the sea air caressing his hair, haunts his eyes now, and he shuts them tightly.] 

_and there's not enough room_   
_in this world for my pain_   
_signals cross and love gets lost_   
_and time passed makes it plain_   
_of all my demon spirits_   
_i need you the most_   
_i'm in love with your ghost_   
_i'm in love with your ghost_

[He stands, moving to the window now, the scent of sakura blossoms swirling around him. He wanted to cry, but knew he had to be strong. No matter how he had wanted to try, this love had been swallowed by death. Spirits could not dwell among the living.] 

_dark and dangerous like a secret_   
_that gets whispered in a hush_   
_(don't tell a soul)_   
_when i wake the things i dreamt about you_   
_last night make me blush_   
_(don't tell a soul)_   
_and you kiss me like a lover_   
_then you sting me like a viper_   
_i go follow to the river_   
_play your memory like a piper_

[If anyone had known what the emperor had felt for another man, he would have been ridiculed. Once, this sort of thing had flourished in his kingdom, but now things were different. But even so, his thoughts and even his dreams – his face reddens slightly as he gazed out the window – seemed to be against him. The taste of the other boy's lips, the feel of his body, the sting of the stigma and disgust by members of the court… he wanted the wind to take it all from him.] 

_and i feel it like a sickness_   
_how this love is killing me_   
_i'd walk into the fingers_   
_of your fire willingly_   
_and dance the edge of sanity_   
_i've never been this close_   
_i'm in love with your ghost_

[Slowly, he turns back to his chair, but does not sit. Instead his fingers grip the back of the chair. The fire of Suzaku could not even purge his heart from this love. He felt like it was eating him away slowly, a seed whose roots fed on his very soul.] 

_unknowing captor_   
_you never know how much you_   
_pierce my spirit_   
_but i can't touch you_   
_can you hear it_   
_a cry to be free_   
_oh i'm forever under lock and key_   
_as you pass through me_

[His knuckles whiten as he grips the back of the chair tightly. How he wanted to just forget all this. He felt trapped, shut away, as if there was a tangible line between himself and what he knew he needed to do. The country would falter if he did not break free from this. The wind sends a sudden cold rush into the room, and he shivers, knowing how helpless he was, unable to touch the object of his desire by his own foolishness and sense of duty.] 

_now i see your face before me_   
_i would launch a thousand ships_   
_to bring your heart back to my island_   
_as the sand beneath me slips_   
_as i burn up in your presence_   
_and i know now how it feels_   
_to be weakened like achilles_   
_with you always at my heels_

[Purple hair framing a feminine face – small chin, large eyes, gentle smile – suddenly floats into view in front of him, and as if he is struck, he slowly crumples to his knees. He had to be strong all the time, and this young man had finally been the one to allow him to be weak. And he, therefore, had become his weakness. His face was red and hot, and the tears that suddenly coursed down his cheeks were even hotter.] 

_this bitter pill i swallow_   
_is the silence that i keep_   
_it poisons me i can't swim free_   
_the river is too deep_   
_though i'm baptized by your touch_   
_i am no worse than most_   
_in love with your ghost_

[He would never tell anyone his feelings, he was sure. The only one he could have confessed to was unattainable, like reaching out for the breeze or trying to freeze fire in one position. His helplessness was overwhelming and his tears took him. The wind seemed to gently brush the hair from his face, almost as if a hand would. He jerks his head up, but he is alone in the room.] 

_you are shadowing my dreams_   
_(in love with your ghost)_   
_(in love with your ghost)_   
_(in love with your ghost)_

[He did love him, he was sure, and needed him, as fire needed the air. But the only way he could ever have him would be in the darkness of dreams. It left him empty to know that, but he knew what he felt was true. He was in love with shadow left behind.]   


  


words and music emily saliers   
copyright 1994 bmi virgin music inc and godhap music (bmi) 

  
[][1]

   [1]: http://www.fushigiyuugi.org/TokyoTower/songfics.html



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